Audrey Hepburn once said, 'I don't want to be alone, I want to be left alone,' which, until yesterday, I never understood. I woke up like any other day and just felt...well for lack of a better word: sad. But not the type of sad where you wrap yourself in a blanket and cry, no. It was the type of sad where all you want to do is be alone. The type of sad when you feel sad for no apparent reason. I had heard of this feeling once before, but never experienced it. My first response to hearing such a thing was, 'How could that be?' I thought maybe the whole 'feeling sad for no reason' thing was just an over exaggerated fact. Oh, how I wish that was true.
I spent the entire day alone in the house. But that's just what I needed. Everything needed to disappear for while. My mind wondered on many things, but there's one thing that doesn't seem to erase from my mine and I so badly want the pain of these memories to go away. (A past relationship, for those of you who haven't guessed it). Maybe in reality, in the deep subconscious of my mind, I don't want the memoires to fade away. Am I kidding myself that something so great could easily be forgotten? I'm 100 percent aware we won't get back together, after all I am the one who called things off. Plus, he doesn't deserve to go through the pain again. He deserves to move on and as do I. I know being 'friends' is rather difficult. I mean, how could you be friends with someone you once liked? You can't because there's a reason you feel for them once and there will be a reason to fall for them again.
I'm at peace with how things worked out. Yes, sometimes I doubt if I made the right decision but after finding myself again I decided to apply to UT Austin. I'm going to go off to a new university and a new city to study what I love to do: write. So how did things not work in my favor? Do you think I would have made a life changing decision if I was still in a relationship? Of course not! And I won't be alone. I'll have my parents (who are moving to Austin in August), my aunt and uncle, and the countless new friends I'll meet.
That's why there's absolutely nothing wrong with being alone, nothing. Trust me when I say, it's okay to be that girl who doesn't always have a boyfriend. And it's okay to not have many friends. None of that matters. The only thing that matters is what you think of yourself. Which is why being 'left alone,' as Audrey puts it, can be good for us. I don't know about you but I really think there's a certain type of freedom that comes with being alone. You have the freedom to do what you want and not worry if your significant other will be upset with you for not tagging him along. You have the freedom to go out with the girls and talk for hours on end. Remember once you enter a relationship it's no longer about you. It's 'you and me' until the end. But you won't learn to appreciate your single and alone (I mean that in the best way possible) freedom until you lose it for a while and after shoving some Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Therapy ice cream down your throat! Having that alone time with yourself can make a difference from feeling the urge to find someone who completes you or accepting the fact that you're already complete on your own.
